Me Time

Finding Time for Yourself When There's a Baby in the House

By Carol Harding

Renowned child psychiatrist and pediatrician Dr. D.W. Winnicott wrote, "In the very early relationship, the baby and the mother are at one." He believed that babies do not exist (psychologically speaking) apart from their mothers. Is it any wonder that many new mothers feel overwhelmed and may lose track of themselves amidst the love and care they give to their babies?

Dr. Winnicott had an interesting way of describing the unique responsibilities of mothers. He observed that some mothers "get left holding the baby-literally," and at times they need help in sharing the "great responsibility which a baby must always be to someone."

How can the mother of a new baby find time for herself? It's an important question - in part because we know that good nurturing can only be done by someone who is herself well nurtured. There is research evidence, as well as personal experience, showing that very young babies reflect the emotions of their caregivers. As the old saying goes: When Mama isn't happy, nobody's happy.

As important as it is to make sure we spend quality time with our babies, we must also find quality time for ourselves. Listed below are tips for doing this:

• Coordinate quality time for your baby with your own quality time. When baby needs fresh air, take a good book, or a good friend, to the park or the backyard. As baby wakes up from her nap, arrange some flowers nearby or sit and daydream while baby spends quiet time on her own. These moments are good for both of you and can lead to shared rituals of quiet time later in childhood.
  
  
• Create partnerships with other parents. Share in playgroups or naptime babysitting so that once or twice a week you have some time for yourself. Turn your caregiver days into special social times for you and your baby.
  
  
• Invite your partner or someone you know to babysit even when- especially when- you have absolutely nothing to do. If this makes you feel guilty, remember that taking care of yourself is a necessary part of being a good mother.
  
  
• Look for places in the community that offer drop-in services. Many churches, synagogues, community agencies, hospitals, and businesses offer free or low-cost short-term child care.

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